One Liners

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What do you call cows that dont fly:Ground Beef

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I am a Google level developer: I cant write a line of code without looking it up in Google :P

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Who is the Hollywood actress who always has coffee without milk? Ans: Sandra Bullock

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I think higgs boson is catholic: apparently its responsible for giving mass to other particles.

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You know its a friday when instead of ping google.com you type pint google.com

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Our Father, who art in heaven,

Microsoft be thy name;

thy kingdom come;

thy will be done,

On handhelds as it is in desktops.

Give us this day our daily patches.

And forgive us our linux trespasses,

as we forgive them that use ubuntu against us.

And lead us not into open source temptation;

but deliver us from androids.

[For thine is the kingdom,

the power, and the glory,

for ever and ever.]

Amen

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Worst insult you can give to a guy: you are a very good husband material.

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There is no such thing as a receding hairline. It is just the world trying to take over your head.

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I think the only solution to the population explosion in India is Xbox. Otherwise as of now everyone considers procreation to be their only recreation.

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An electronics engineer’s favorite vice: doping

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When i was a kid I wanted to be a stand up comedian. Now I am a Professor

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What did newly wed techie husband tell his shy wife: Dont worry, I dont byte.

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Can you name your favorite philosopher? I Kant.

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I was born for the stage: wastage

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Every time I see her stage antics, I think she must change her name to Miley Circus

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What will you call a sly Grammatician who has “other” skills: A cunning linguist.  

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An electronics engineer’s sibling who had sex change: transistor

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Its a good thing to have a sex scandal for Bill Clinton. If nothing else he now holds a pubic position.

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If God shaves teh queen who will shave the god

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Me: I broke up with my 7 year old girlfriend yday.

Friend: You pedophile..

Me: no no, i meant...ah, never mind.

#languageBarriers

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What do you call a stupid tamilian who likes japanese stuff? Ans:  MANGA madayan

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Am not scared of Friday the 13ths anymore. Just about the Monday the 16th that comes after that everytime.

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Deo Volente: Got an offer from Intel. So guess now am Mental Inside and Intel Outside.

If a Tamilian or A Mallu decides to paint his ass,what color will he paint it with? Ans: Bur-gundy

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(Horrible PJ alert) In south India what will u call a company with a long tail of products? Walmart

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Did you hear about thief who stole the huge piano from Church? Turns out he was an Organ Donor.

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In other news: Supreme Court of India has ordered that everyone with the Surname Gaekwad must surrender themselves at the nearby police station as soon as possible, to be arrested under section 377. Apparently the name Gaek-wad can be translated to ‘One who opens doors to gays’- and belonged to an earlier tribe which during the rule of Raja Ravi Varma in AD 256 was assigned with the tasks of hiding gays.

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Cousin Sister: What do you want to call your new baby niece?

Me: How about Berniece?

Cousin Sister: aah Never mind...bye..

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When they show it on your phone, what they actually mean is, if you want real good data speeds you need keep it on the EDGE of your window sill.

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So I once had this Professor in India whose name was Dr.Shemal. He used to like me very much until one day when in an email sent to the entire department , I accidentally added an ‘e’ to his name. Am I sick doctor?

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Did you hear about the body builder who made six packs without ever going to the gym? He was apparently conspicuous with his ab-sense.

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(Chatting with a friend online)

Me: Am going to Marital arts class this semester.

Friend: Good maan, good for your wives…

Me: No, I meant...ahhh,,...#facepalm # autoCorrect

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They wanted me to bring a Turkey to the Thanksgiving party- I went with the Towel - am i sick doctor?

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I think google is secretly spying on my sexual prowess: everytime I login it says My Drive

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An angry Keralite’s Autobiography: I am Malayala